Adelaide- Wiping bums and taxes

Family and money is what matters in Adelaide.

Hence the migrant is excluded and patronised-but tolerated as a necessary evil to wipe the bums of the children of the affluent and pay taxes for the retirement of same.

Same as everywhere else.

Rainy days in the workplace.

There is nearly always a "Quid Pro Quo" in every workplace relationship between an employee and the employer.

The most diligent and worthy employee will sell himself or herself to their employer in return for a few small favours for that rainy day when they are needed-even if it is at someone else's expense.

Teaching English in Adelaide:Third World Management .

At last I feel like writing again

It's been a few months now but recent events have jolted' me out of my depression for sure - like the old electrotherapy they used to give people like me when they kept complaining in the old days.

Painful - but effective.

It's not comfortable, really, but I do feel alive again.

I feel angry again!

I've definitely 'jumped' in the last few weeks-but to where I can't be sure - probably into the fire again.

I am now a humbled 'migrant' hunkering down in front of my PC... where I belong.

I'm patching up my loins or girding up my armour, I can't remember which, to be ready for the next skirmish with the "The real world".

Who knows when that will be but I don't plan on it being anytime soon.

But I am determined to lie low for a while and...no...not sulk exactly, but contemplate and reflect on my mistakes.

I have developed a major problem...

I just that can't stand the sight of most people anymore.

Yes, there a few exceptions, but when I observe the way most people behave it makes my flesh creep.

I feel repelled by people.

People are repulsive. Is that the same thing?

It is specifically in the workplaces of Adelaide where I have worked recently where this revulsion has been most evident.

The University of Disneyland English Language Department

I started work at the UDELD in April 2009.

It was challenging at first, but I got the hang of it after a while.

In my experience each ESL workplace has it's own working culture. "Workplace culture" was the subject of my doctoral thesis so I have a special interest in it.

Now, I know you Aussies don't like academic theses (because none of you have ever asked me anything about mine) so, just to put the record straight, I do apologise for being interested in my work. Most of my colleagues don't even know I did a thesis -which is as it should be for all true Aussies -and a prospective wannabe Aussie such as myself. After all what difference could it possibly make to me as an educator to have studied and analysed my workplace!

Such a load of pretentious crap! Yes, I know...

and yes, I confess -it was a thesis by distance and not a real one like they do at Cambridge. But the exchange rate was so bad that I just didn't have the money to sell my properties and pay some Pommie Santa Claus to supervise me. No, I did not take three years off at the taxpayers expense to do it either. But.... please, don't hold this against me?

In fact. I want to take this opportunity to officially apologise on this website for doing the thesis.

It was unaustralian...

but please take into consideration the fact that I was seduced by my own ego into doing it.

Don't take it personally.... I'm such a wanker really. I realise that now after being in Australia for so many years the reason why I haven't been accepted or been able to get a job.

It is because I have these truly meaningless academic qualifications, and lots of folks are threatened these academic qualifications which is why they don't ask me about them.

I am a counter - revolutionary. Chairman Mao would have had the red guards come round and hang a sign me with "Dunce" on it and then beaten me to death.

I would have deserved it too.

But I have learned my lesson... I hereby vow not to do any more theses or research again.

In my defence, it was a survival thing really. I felt I just had to analyse my workplace in order to stay sane and survive the morons who were running it. It was a rash thing to do. but there... I did it.

I know you may not really believe any of this -you maybe just think I'm insincere. But it is true - I'm truly sorry for doing it and I'm so sorry.

Recently... at the Disneyland  University I worked for seven months without any paid leave. In October when I felt I was 'in the groove'  I asked  the American 'Highness'  about the possibility of a contract.

"Don't leave this room less positive than when you came in! " Highness encouraged me ." but I'm not quite sure about enrolments in the new year-can you give me a week to think about it?"

"Ok, no worries"  I said

In November after a ten day wait I asked Highness again. But Highness had changed tack a little.

"Well, actually, she said "enrolments are not looking so good now for the new year"

'Ooo.. kaay' I said. No problem. I knew and already understood that.

But then she threw me a real curly one.

She went on...

"By the way, some students said that you were in the room when the teacher evaluations were done"

Taken aback - and more than a little nonplussed- flabbergasted  in fact- by the nasturtium which was being cast on my competence I managed to recover only lamely and blurt out ...

" Oh but, Highness, Yes .... I thought everybody did it!"

I thought to myself "It doesn't make any f***ing difference whether anyone is in the room or not as there is always at least one spoiled brat who will write negative comments about their teacher anyway. That's why they pay the money-for the privilidge of complaining.

"No, no, you shouldn't be in the room when the evaluations are done!' said Highness.

Although she didn't say it, the inference clearly was that , although my evaluations were good, the students felt intimidated by my mighty presence in the room!

So, in the space of ten days highness had changed from being on the point of offering me a contract to casting a 'nasturtium' upon my competence!

This worried me more than a little because I had recently moved house just to be near Disneyland university -so confident did I feel that I enjoyed the confidence of Highness.

Anyway, in the November/December session I made bloody sure the evaluations were done when I was outside the bloody room.

And guess what ?


By some fluke the evaluations were 100 percent perfect!


"Oh! Highness will be pleased I thought to myself."

I could not have been more wrong!

Christmas passed with doubts growing at the back of my paranoid little Irish mind.


Then in January it happened.

Highness announced to the members of the 'Mushroom club' (The casual staff) of which I was a founding member that there would be no work for all six of us 'casual teachers' in the next session.


In February the dreaded last day arrived - at the University of Disney almost exactly nine months after my arrival.

" What's this" I said to myself. No farewell from Highness? No 'Thank you' for all the work little old me had put in. Not even- 'I'll try and to give you some relief classes' from Highness.

But there were other surprises to come:

One casual teacher was retained -the youngest and the cheapest!

So much for loyalty.

Then, just to add insult to injury another teacher was taken on!

Message for myself and the other hardworking loyal casuals..

"You're crap"


"Message received, "Over and out, Highness"

There was worse to come..

Apart from the members of the mushroom club there was not  a single word of support from my ex-colleagues at Disneyland.

Not even a phone call!

Then there was one final piece of news from The University of Disneyland. There was a message from Highness: She had told her teaching spouse to tell another teacher in the mushroom club to tell me that Highness would be very happy to give me a good reference for any future jobs I might apply for.

So kind and generous of her to do so. I can forgive her the convoluted mode of conveying this earth-shattering news as I know she is probably a very busy person. Too busy-in fact to write such an undeserving wretch as myself me an E-mail to give me the message.

I understand entirely. As I have said before on this website people are so busy these days-especially Highness. She is so busy multi-tasking that she forgets what is important in life and and what is not. She rushes around around trying to do everything herself and ends up feeling frustrated and upsetting  others because either she doesn't finish what she is doing or she forgets to do it entirely.


This is only my personal opinion though. And I am a male which means my opinion doesn't have much credibiity with Highness-or other Australian women for that matter. But many females suffer from this same defect . They have to do everything and end up not being able to decide what is important and what is unimportant. The result is that the lazier, but cleverer men outmanouevre them time and again. Because the women are so busy they don't see what is happening around them and they they suddenly realise too late they've been shafted.


Extraordianry-isn't it? I've seen it ! with my own eyes in Adelaide! all these clever sheilas who know how to do everything -multitasking to their hearts content while the lazy blokes run rings them and shaft them on the major issues.

So they blame the men for shafting them when it is their own fault really. If they would just slow down and prioritise they would retain much more control of things. As it is they are often a bloody liability in the workplace. They're always saying they're going to do something important and then not following through because they forget or because they're doing some other trivial thing.

They are often so slow to react, events overtake them, and they are left wringing their hands in anguish and regret.

And then the men get pissed off at them for screwing up something important they promised they were going to do but never got around to doing because they were too 'busy'.

Back into the Fray

From Disneyland University I took several weeks off before I felt strong enough to face the ESL INDUSTRY'S firing and hiring procedures again.

In the meantime I unexpectedly had to fly to Belfast just to say goodbye to my ailing brother who was on his deathbed.

But my other sister-in-law had a different agenda regarding the purpose of my visit.

Punishment!

She saw it as an opportunity to lavish upon me a pearl of wisdom gleaned from her very short career as a teacher before retiring at the age of 55. (As they used to do in the good old days)

This particular pearl was punishment for my choosing not to stay with her when I was on my brief visit to my brother's bedside. I chose to stay with a friend who did not have a history of verbally assaulting guests in his home.

It was a case of  "a woman scorned..."

Always the mistress of tact, and with perfect timing , my sister-in-law rightfully verbally lashed me the day before my brother died with...

"Unemployed?

Why don't you get off your backside then ?"

I could understand her - the frustration I mean - and the sense of shame she must have felt that a relative of hers was unemployed. I could understand that entirely.

But I think this tirade was really about something else as well. I had done that unforgivable thing in Northern Ireland, (and England, and Adelaide) of calling on her without an appointment!


Yes, you see I hadn't been invited-and that is a a very serious crime indeed in the eyes of the God-fearing bourgeoise in any part of the world. The bourgeoisie are, by definition, people who invite you to visit them. Woebetide anyone who breaks this unwriten rule and visits someone without permission! In fact I have it on good authority that people have been transported to Australia for this very offence.


What could I expect for doing such a rash an impulsive thing as to call without phoning!


Truth be known, I suspect I had the misfortune to visit her at the wrong time-immediately after she had had a rather poor round of golf. She probably was not feeling her best. I think she feels frustrated that she can't manage to get a single figure handicap even after eight years of retirement doing little else but play golf and travel around the world sipping Chardonnay in her ski chalet and criticising the lazy bums like her brother-in -law who are unemployed and won't get off their backside.

There was one final piece of news from the University of Disneyland. After a few weeks I received another message from Highness!

She had told her teaching spouse to tell a colleague of mine that she would be very happy to give me a good reference for any future job applications!

Phew! How relieved I was. Now I could go for it full-throttle and try and get another job!

I was down-but not completely out.



But anyway, I decided to apply to an outfit which has a different clientele - Navitas- to teach  refugees and migrants.


I thought I was more or less qualified for this type of teaching (sorry "Training" ) as I myself have migrated to Australia three times - twice from outside and once from within Australia. Surely almost a record!


I am also a refugee from revolting teenagers in the state schools and spoiled brats with connections in the private school systems of various countries around the world.

Anyway ,I thought with my thirty five years of experience of teaching I might have a chance!

So, I sent off my CV to this outfit-and after a reasonable response time of about six weeks I got a reply form CJ, the boss of the outfit saying he had a couple of part-time positions coming up that I might be interested in.

Would I come in and 'speak' to him (and bring my original qualifications)?

Yes, of course. Off to town on the train -it is only a thirty minute ride and four dollars seventy.

After the meeting CJ said


" Would I come in for an interview?"

"Oh! I said to myself , I thought that was the interview-but oh well, why not have another one?"



"Sure CJ"  I said with enthusiasm


Subsequently, I E-mailed CJ to ask him about the the format of the interview-and could I have a copy of the curriculum documents and assessment procedures?

"No" said CJ. Just bring yourself to the interview"

I went in anyway the next day and got an A4 at reception flyer about their programs. That was all they had. (They wouldn't give me any more information before the interview!

What a bunch of amateurs.

At the second interview (My third trip to this place by train) I was introduced to two ladies -or 'Females' as they call them in Australia.

XXX was easily distinguishable from CJ by her daringly low cut cleavage cleverly designed to distract any potential paedophiles from applying for the job.

I think.

I was also introduced to someone else who looked Chinese and possibly was to be honest. Although she is probably probably more Aussie than me because she had an Aussie accent.

Thats what counts in Aus -the accent. If you don't have the accent -you're a bit sus.

Both were about half my age.

CJ started off the interview with


"Well now Don what decided you to become a teacher?"

"Easy!"

I thought to myself .....and then maybe I made a mistake.

I was just going to say 'idealism' but the devil intervened and tempted me.

I said

"Misplaced idealism" with a chuckle.

CJ gurgled back and I went on at length about how I had been interested in being a teacher since I was nineteen etc etc. I think I recovered well but by then maybe the damage had probably been done.

Many Australians lack a genuine sense of humour and it was a risky strategy



Then XXX announced herself as the curriculum coordinator.

Keeping my eyes firmly away from her ample breasts I listened with studied concentration to her question

"Can you give me an example of how you have integrated a language function into your teaching in a vocational context?"

I considered this briefly and wriggled around in my seat. Had she said 'vacation' or 'vocation'? I briefly considered talking about the past tense and 'what did you do on your holidays' before I realised it must have been the latter-vocational, not vacational.

Then , I thought , "But hasn't she read my CV?

Because if she had she would have realised that I had taught in 14 schools and two Universities in nine different countries-even though it has mostly  been Academic teaching-not vocational teaching.

So, why ask me that question then? I began to smell a rat .Was this just a set-up?

My eyes began to wander and then I said,

"Well, No, actually I haven't. All my teaching has been academic . Although I did say that the first twelve years of my career were as a science teacher -which involved teaching functional English in Africa , South America and the Middle-East to speakers of English as a second language in a scientific context....totally irrelevant of course.

I went on..

"That is why I am applying for this job. I want to do something different. I like the idea of teaching migrants and refugees - something useful."

I can never understand why anyone would want to apply for a job they had done before but that seems to be what employers expect! Less trouble for them of course.

The Chinese Aussie then read out her question

"Reporting for Assessment is very important in this business can you give an example of when you have had to report to a deadline?"

I thought to myself

"Are you serious? I've been a teacher for thirty five years. If you don't report in time -you get sacked!

I mumbled something about monthly tests in Brunei or some such twaddle.

What a question!

xxx had another go.

Can you give me an example of an assessment you have designed?

"Well yes,at Disney University I designed presentations, discussion assessments, listening assessments and debates.

Of course I had no real time to think about these answers.

WHY ARE THE QUESTIONS NOT PROVIDED BEFOREHAND SO ANSWERS CAN BE PREPARED?

It's not 'Who wants to be a millionaire' we are playing here. It's not a game show -or an "Exam" -it's an exchange of information -an interview.

What a F***king bunch of amateurs.

"Well thanks very much Don, the next stage is a demo lesson. I'll be in touch with you about that.' said CJ cheerfully.


No opportunity whatever for me to speak about what I CAN do in the interview or what I have done that might be relevant to the job.

No, just an opportunity for a little power trip for CJ , XXX and the Chinese female. Their time would have been better utilised teaching rather than wasting the company time on a power trip disguised as a job interview.

Not so much as a "Thank you" for taking the time time or anything remotely like it!

What a bunch of amateurs.


On Thursday evening I get an E-mail from CJ saying that I should set up a meeting with the teacher of a class to do a 'demonstration' lesson on the wednesday of the next week.

I e-mailed the teacher immediately and suggested a meeting on the Friday.

Friday? Nothing.

I phoned him on Friday and left a message on his voice mail -twice. No response.

and on Saturday and on Sunday...no response.

CJ had said he wanted my lesson plan on his desk on the day before the lesson (Tuesday)

Finally, the teacher calls me and I go in to meet him on the train.

So I went in on Monday -found the teacher -who was most cooperative and we agreed on what I would do on the wednesday.

No worries!

I went home and spent the day preparing a superlesson.

It was the second last day of a course and I did a Dictogloss reviewing a lot of language points, vocabulary, diagnostic testing and consolidation of all the macroskills covered in the module.

CJ came in at eleven.

"Did you get my lesson?" I said

"Yes, but only the Dictogloss-not the plan".

I pointed to the plan which he had in his hand.

"Thats it ! " I said


'Oh!' said CJ


What an amateur. I smelled a set -up.


I really enjoyed the lesson and so did the students. The teacher and CJ were both in the room for an hour and a half.

Under the circumstances I gave one of the best lessons I have ever done under observation. I know it was good.

I went home confident and pleased with myself.

CJ left the class and said he would call me later in the afternoon.

He didn't.

The next day, Friday, CJ phoned me and woffled on and on.

He said that the 'Big boss' had arrived that very day and they had decided to fill my position internally. He thought my lesson was very good but he didn't think I showed enough enthusiasm for doing the reporting in the interview.

Oh sorry, CJ, I get it now!

I was supposed to say "Whoopee'! lots of reporting to do -bring it on -I really get off on reporting!

CJ, IF YOU DIDN'T THINK I SHOWED ENOUGH ENTHUSIASM FOR THE REPORTING AT INTERVIEW WHY DID YOU LET ME DO THE DEMO LESSON!?

Besides CJ not having enthusiasm for something doesn't mean I am incapable of doing it.

CJ said:

"We will consider you for other posts but in the meantime you might wish to look for a job somehere else."

No thanks for your five trips to town, or your time, or your free teaching, or your hours of preparation. Not even one tiny weeny little thank you.

"Oh have a good Easter!" he said

I smelt a set-up and, at this stage of my career I trust my sense of smell. Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm usually right.


Thank YOU very much CJ.


Yes, I am angry now.


All of the workplaces I have observed in Australia -and I have worked in six, have have had this third world management style.

I wouldn't mind that if they would admit it. But no they are so goddam pretentious about being efficient.

And of course "generous " to the migrants

At least in the third world I know to expect inefficiency -and that there will be a good dollop of corruption thrown in to spice it up. But what gets me about Australians is how they keep on going about how wonderfully efficient they are-and generous to migrants, and how fair they are.

The reality is they want overqualified migrants to wipe the bums of their children in childcare centres.

They've got my overqualified wife doing it and in fact they would be quite happy to have me wipe bums as well. Punishment for a counter revolutionary who dared to write a doctoral thesis.

It's all talk, just talk and bullshit.

As we say in Ireland-its just blarney.

The only people who can survive in these Australian Language teaching workplaces that I have seen are the well-heeled or those with a private income-those who don't really need the money to put butter and bread on the table-or who have spouses supporting them.

Some of them may take the odd 'risk' now and again because they don't really need the job, but most of them don't give a flying F***k about their colleagues.

You won't find them in a union (why would they need a union when they have a private income or a working spouse?)

But having a Union and joining it is the only logical way to survive in these places and work with dignity. But most of these worthies who don't need a union are quite happy to enjoy the benefits  for which the Union has fought for-like holidays and sick pay.

If I can,  I will leave Australia for the third world again.

It may be more frustrating and corrupt,  but it is a more dignified and less hypocritical in the end to live and work there.

And, besides, the people are a lot more generous.

You don't have to make an appointment to see them.

Yes...

I am angry.