Miscommunication in 2016
An English friend who is roughly the same age as myself, told me recently that as he gets older in Adelaide he increasingly feels he is not getting the respect (he feels) he deserves?
Intrigued, I pressed him gently for more details...
How do you mean? When? I said.
His answer surprised me.
'Every time I go out of the house'
I chuckled gently to myself. I thought I knew vaguely what my friend meant but I did think he was exaggerating just a little.
I arrived at the Migration museum today with my Brazilian friend in tow...
We had just had an enjoyable lunch at which he had been regaling me with stories about his Middle-Eastern friend who seemed to enjoy picking fights with everyone they met - be they classmates, shop assistants, receptionists, bartenders or baristas.
The reception in the museum was 'manned' by a lady with blond hair wearing the inevitable 'uniform' of the Australian-born female- white blouse, black slacks and a loud voice resembling a light chainsaw.
I tried to enter the museum without engaging her. (I don't deny I am nervous around Australian-born females: many don't seem to find me charming. I suppose its mutual as so many of them seem to make my hackles rise)
I knew there was no fee for entrance, so I tried to scurry in with out making contact.
But, on seeing us enter, true to type she moved towards us with purpose on her sliding chair- just catching my eye long enough to let me know that she intended to speak to us (but not long enough to reassure me that she was going to be polite)
This movement made me hesitate and put me on the defensive. I braced myself-pursing my lips ever so slightly-prepared for combat.
My suspicions were confirmed when, head down and diving at the computer and avoiding eye contact she said in a loud assertive voice and with falling intonation
'Now...I need to know where you are from'
(Note the absence of the question mark..this was not a polite question but an instruction!)
The falling intonation was entirely inappropriate for the context...it was the intonation used by the police officer or the officious bureaucrat-and the intonation I have observed often used by the female Australian when addressing an erring husband, or dog.
Disconcerted, and always willing to take offence where none is really intended I inadvertently misconstrued what she said.
I was in my element. Before I could stop myself I had blurted out
What??!!
My retort, in a paper thin voice did not conceal my exasperation at what appeared to be a completely non-sensical and unwarranted question.
By the presumptiousness and inappropriateness of her tone I thought she was either casting aspersions on my ancestry or wanting to know which organization (employer) I was with. In either case I was justifiably determined to be offended.
Why the hell does she want to know where I am from?. It did not occur to me...at least not in time..that she wanted to know my postcode for marketing and research purposes. (not that that is a justifiable reason either!)
Her tone had completely thrown me off-balance
Irritated with the tone of my repost she punished me by keeping her head down and refusing to make eye contact. She repeated in the same condescending tone..
Where are you from Voice definitely too loud. Head down. Still no eye contact. Tone still falling. Totally inappropriate!
Now, I really was becoming furious. How dare she ask me such an insolent question!
I felt like saying to her... What's it to you?
I'm sick of being asked for unnecessary details by petty bureaucrats. (They are everywhere these days-even shop assistants ask me for my address when I buy something)
Determined to make my point I expostulated..
'I'm not from anywhere! (I'm unemployed)
I'm from Australia!!' (why would you think I'm not!)
I made no attempt to hide my irritation
She looked up and realised that there was a problem.
'That'll teach her! I thought to myself with an inward smirk.
But now there was the problem of how we were going to proceed?
She paused...and stared at me for a few moments as if she wer saying to herself .. Oh God! not another one!
She appeared to think about taking me on for a few moments
'I need to know your postcode', she continued...her too oud voice indicating her determination.
...and then she thought better of it....and abruptly put her head down and said dismissively
'Oh...doesn't matter' and waving her hand at me in disgust she ushered us in.
We went in. I felt vindicated - but a little uncomfortable and my Brazilian friend looking bemused.
At lunch, I had found my friend's stories about the arrogance, misogeny and hypocrisy of his embarrassing Middle-Eastern friend to be hugely entertaining.....we had chuckled, chortled and guffawed our way to the migration museum....
Hmmm....
P.S.
Why the miscommunication?
Is this
(a) a contemporary phenomenon...what my English friend was talking about?
(b) a common or garden miscommunication
(b) old age?
(c) just me?
(d) all of the above?
Thanks in advance for your feedback
