Fools and Abattoirs
Teaching English
language in Australia in the new millennium
Preamble:
A brief glance at history shows us that the default
Modus Operandi of human beings is to use, exploit and enslave each other
as rapidly and as efficiently as possible. I acknowledge that in the
developed countries we have eliminated some of the more overtly
grotesque forms of exploitation such as slavery and stoning people to death.
But after teaching at Universities and language colleges in Australia I
am beginning to wonder if there has really been any progress at all.
I should warn the reader that this piece is not for the person
of a conservative political outlook. I make no apology for this. Politics is
war and if you are from the conservative side of politics you are my enemy. You will find nothing in this piece that
interests you and quite a lot which will infuriate you.
The Conservative in my eyes is either ignorant or selfish
and quite often both. He is a parasite who uses his advantage to suck the blood
of his disadvantaged neighbor. Why should he expect civility form his political
opponents? Life has no meaning without its ethical dimension. The Conservative
lives in an ethical vacuum. With the possible exception of the very young
adult who is not experienced enough to know any better I see no point in discussing
issues with self-confessed Conservatives-because they are extremist who are unlikely
to change their outlook. I have never
met a conservative who has changed his
outlook to become a humanitarian.
One of the great weaknesses of democracy is that we have to
be civil to conservatives. This civility is a Trojan horse invented by the
Conservative movement to undermine the left and centre left outlook which is
based on common sense and compassion. I see no point in being civil to them as
it only increases their sense of legitimacy. I certainly don’t want to do that.
The Conservative is illegitimate and should be an outlaw in society. So.. if you
are of conservative outlook in political or social matters, this is the time
for you to stop reading.…
Ass far as I am concerned the only place the conservative and
I will we will ever meet is when circumstances oblige me to do it on the battlefields
of life. For me, it will not be pleasant and never by choice. I try to avoid them.
From my observations over the past twenty years in English
Language teaching I have become convinced that the Adlerian basic urge to power
and enslavement of others is vigorously manifest in more insidious
forms in our so-called ‘Advanced societies’.
I know a landlady who would rather have her tenant unlock
six locks in six doors every time he leaves his abode rather than give him the
key to the one external door from his office which would allow him to leave the
premises through a side door.
What can be the reason for such humbug? The reason for this
is to keep track of him: she can hear his comings and goings-and hence control
his movements!
Why does she do it? Because she can–she enjoys the power. Adler
would be chuckling.
We can see parallels everywhere and anywhere: the
control of women in ‘Shari a’ law derived from the Koran is an
extreme example of the abuse of power.
Both are about control. It is just a matter of degree. The
point I am making is that it is not just men who want to control-
the women are at it too. In fact, we're all at it-the whole human race. By
the way, my poor tenant often ends up staying in the house all day because he
is afraid his landlady will have a go at him for leaving one of the six doors
unlocked. It is too much trouble to leave the house!
Nomenclature
The following article
is based on an analysis of an English Language workplace (University) I
have worked at in Adelaide in 2010 although I draw on observations from other
workplaces as well
All the English Language College workplaces in Australia stinkl.
They reek from aroma of fish, meat, onions and pickles and curry. Mixed in with
this is bad breath and human sweat. The pungent mix is seasoned with
the sauces derived from the power games played in the staffroom. This
is a heady cocktail and somewhere in it there is also the unmistakable stench
of stale blood derived from the needs and deeds of senior managers and
their stooges who like the Aztec Emperors, need a daily supply of blood from
human sacrifice. Even the constant washing of the floors does not seem to
remove this stench.
Senior managers? For brevity let us subsume them under one
or two titles. My suggestions for the female would be ‘The Black Widow’
(The female Spider which eats her lover after sex) This nickname seems more
appropriate because in Australia I have noticed that most females with
power seem to wear black these days.
For the males –‘Aztec Emperor’ might do. They too
demand human blood sacrifice on a daily basis to display how powerful they are.
Because most of the senior managers in English Language schools seem to be women
in my experience, for convenience I will subsume all references to senior
managers henceforth under the name of ‘The Black Widow’. This is not to be
sexist –as the male ‘Emperor’ behaves in exactly the same way. Nor should
it imply that the black widow can’t be Caucasian or blond–I have known at
least one who is - and it is my fervent hope some day that she reads this
piece and recognizes herself in it. Pigs may fly!
The blood and power which the Black widow needs is
obtained directly by bullying and sacking teachers or more indirectly through
her blood-sucking vampires in middle-management - if the widow happens to be
bloated with blood and too tired to be bothered. Blood for the widow is
often obtained with the collusion of ordinary teachers (see below)
and even students in some Colleges..
Blood seems to get everyone’s adrenalin flowing in
the Language College-including even the ordinary teacher or soldier.
As the ordinary teacher has no power he may have
to enjoy it vicariously through involving himself in the bloodletting of his
Masters and Mistresses
I have observed all of the actors closely in this tragic-comedy over
the past twenty years
In the rest of this piece, which I dedicate to posterity
(because I suspect few will ever read it until after I am dead) I
will explore the psyche of the ordinary teacher and the devious and
blood-thirsty tactics he uses in the expression of his vicarious
lust for power.
Oh...but you are exaggerating!
I do hear the reader
protesting.
No.... indeed I am not!
On the surface Australian teachers appear very friendly.
(‘Over-friendly’ I have heard some foreign commentators describe it). I
tend to agree with them; there is a certain false ‘chumminess and over
familiarity’ about meeting your colleagues as a newcomer on the first day
in the staffroom.
I prefer the word ‘Abattoir’ than staffroom because these
places appear to me to be indeed full of or almost dead animals hanging on
a line of meat hooks, shouting at each other, as they move slowly and
inexorably toward their slaughter.
I was going to say packed together like sardines in a tin
because of the smell but this metaphor is not dynamic enough as it doesn’t give
a sense of the panic and bedlam of the modern ‘Open Plan’ staffroom in a
language college. ‘Open Plan’ offices are cheaper for the company. People seem
to shout at each other in open plan workplaces as if they were in offices
anyway.
It reminds me more of a slaughterhouse than an educational
establishment. An image comes to mind of Enniskillen in Ireland where I used to
visit my grandmother as a child. Although she lived about a mile from the pig
abattoir you could hear the pigs screeching and squealing in their death throws
before they were killed. As a child I never made the connection between the
screeching and the bacon I was putting into my mouth for breakfast. Nor
was I to know that for much of my adult career I would be working in such
an environment as a teacher.
It is not just the open plan of staffroom, the squeals and
screeches of your colleagues -some of them final words of colleagues before
they ‘exit’ this world forever, it is the
unforgettable stench of stale blood in the place. It just will not go
away.
Types of Colleagues
When you arrive bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on your first day
as a teacher at an abattoir your colleagues are so friendly at the
beginning. Everybody is helpful! For the first few days it just seems like it
is too good to be true!
It is only after you’ve have been there for a few
months and you’re in the process of being (or you’ve just been) shafted
that you realize what they are really like...
There are different types of colleague: most fit into my
classification–not perfectly perhaps but close enough. There are exceptions of
course–no classification of this nature can be comprehensive. I will look at
the types presently but first I have to mention thetwo characteristics generic
to all colleagues:
Compliance and ruthlessness. (Note the similarity
with the ‘Shari a’ context here)
Every lowly teacher is compliant and ruthless because
he is covering his ass. This is because the money -i.e. the students
rule. Most of the students will be a delight to teach and have quite
reasonable expectations. That is the reason most of us are in Language
teaching after all. But not all students are like this. If the
teacher has to meet the student expectations of spoiled, stupid or lazy
students then he/she has no choice but to do it. If he doesn’t one of the
spoiled, stupid or lazy students will dob him in to the widow.
With regard to colleagues the same applies. Put very simply
-if you don’t ‘obey’ (or do what is expected of you) a colleague who considers himself
to be more powerful than you
will mistreat you and may throw you to the attack dogs of the widow...
I’m not talking about Kandahar here- I’m talking about
Australian males and females from the eastern suburbs of Melbourne, Adelaide
and Brisbane. In other words I’m talking about “nice, educated people with
degrees' –not drug addicts or mob bosses from the “underbelly” of the city.
This may surprise you. It has certainly surprised me.
But then I’m a ‘Fool’ (See below for more details):
Let’s look at the types of teachers and their Modus Operandi
for gaining power over each other
starting with the more common types:
The Peacocks and Peahens: (‘The Noisy Dobbers’)
These are very common. Their method of asserting power over
the colleague–particularly the newcomer is as follows:
They avoid the newcomer and other colleagues whom they
regard as insignificant (Most of them, anyway) and deliberately don’t make eye
contact, greet them or return greetings.
They expect colleagues, especially newcomers, to pay public
homage to them by expecting the newcomer to adopt submissive behaviors such as
laughing at their jokes-and laughing with the Peacocks and Peahens at other
insignificants - especially other newcomers.
Peacocks expect to be fawned over by newcomers - if the
latter are female. Peahens expect to be entertained and flirted with by male
newcomers.
They chatter noisily with their friends in the abattoir studiously and deliberately excluding the
newcomer from their conversation in order to disempower and isolate him.
From now on I am going to use the pronoun ‘him’ generically
for ‘him and her’ - for brevity-not because I am sexist. (You probably cannot
guess my own gender. If you think you can, then you are a better man than I
am).
P's make themselves unapproachable by pretending to be busy
when they are around the newcomer or insignificant colleague.
They make an ostentatious show of being buddies with the
boss when the newcomer or insignificant colleagues can see them
Through their propensity to dob in their colleagues they
gain privileges such as getting the classes they want and the classrooms they
want at the expense of newcomers and other insignificant colleagues.
If the newcomer asks a question they pretend not to hear, or
show their status by replying in an embarrassingly brusque loud voice-anything
which will put down and humiliate the newcomer. This display reinforces their
superior status to everyone as Peacock or Peahen.
They talk about the newcomer to each other behind the
newcomer’s back.
Last, but not least , they enthusiastically ‘dob’ the
newcomer in to the boss by making comments which put the newcomer in a negative
light such as “She is late to class” or “she finishes class early” or “a
student complained to me that her class isn’t interesting” etc.
Peacocks and Peahens are very common and are relatively easy
to spot because of the size of their ego; the loudness of their voice, the
rudeness of their tone, their insincerity and their general arrogance.
An alert newcomer will probably figure out pretty quickly
which colleagues are the peacocks and peahens.
If he doesn’t he won’t last more than a couple of weeks.
The Snakes (The Quiet Dobbers)
This person also avoids the newcomer but may smile at
him/her when passing in order to lull him into a false sense of
security-the newcomer may think that he
is being welcomed.
They keep to themselves but have a select group of other
snakes with whom they confide and consort, plot and conspire...
They will engage in conversation with the newcomer but only
about the weather. They will do the bare minimum to assist newcomers and
are not helpful when asked a question.
They will relay any negative information or opinions they
have about the newcomer to the vampires or the widow as quickly as possible in
order to gain ‘Brownie Points’.
They withhold important information from the newcomer in
order to make adaptation and survival more
difficult for them.
They do the same to any ‘target’ (someone who is currently
in the sights of the Black widow and marked for sacrifice)
Their eyes and demeanor are shifty and their smile is
insincere.
They appear to be busy but are often lazy: they get away
with it through inveigling themselves into the good books of the widow by
supplying a steady flow of information by dobbing in other colleagues regularly
but discreetly.
The snake is the second most common type of teacher in
the abattoir. They vicariously enjoy the ritual bloodletting in the abattoir
while quietly congratulating themselves on being ‘survivors’.
There is a variety of snake who is quiet and appears to be
friendly. He/she appears helpful but is really only curious about the newcomer
and wants to gather information about him in order to dob him in. If push
comes to shove the friendly snake will be just as ruthless as the Peacocks
and the other snakes.
The snake is passive/aggressive and sadistic.
All varieties of snake may see the widow socially.
Snakes are totally compliant. They will push their
grandmother off the bus with enthusiasm if instructed to do so by the widow or
a vampire.
They are ambitious and want to become vampires and
ultimately widows themselves...
The Chickens (The Non-entities)
This is the third largest group;
These colleagues have nothing to do with the newcomer or
most colleagues. Period.
They have been at the Abattoir for ages and have formed
their own little faction.
They are usually married and their spouse is earning a lot
of money so that they don’t really need the teaching job. They are thus
protected from the attentions of the widow and the vampires because they
don’t really fear their power.
They are mostly female and talk for most of the time about
mortgages, carpets, wallpaper, house extensions and erections.
They have been teaching the same course for years and are
bored to tears with it...
The newcomer is invisible to the chicken and so they are
relatively harmless to the newcomer as long as the latter doesn’t offer to
teach the chicken's course or ask for her classroom.
Chickens are more plentiful in some colleges than others and
they will all run a mile from the sight
of blood. If you are a target or sacked you will never be spoken to again by a
chicken–even outside the college. It is a life sentence.
Most chickens will not know your name when you are
sacked–even after several years at the college.
Chickens are relatively harmless if you just leave
them alone.
Most colleagues fall into one of these three categories but
there are two other types much less frequently encountered but nonetheless
worth mentioning as they are fascinating in their own right.
The Ostriches (The Brilliant Pragmatists)
Ostriches are workaholics:
1. This type is the genuinely dedicated teacher focused on
the job and the students. The ostrich is talented, industrious, resourceful and
above all-tactful with everyone from the widow to the students- to a fault. The
ostrich can be of either sex. He is the pillar of the college and totally
dependable to do the right thing most of the time and the wrong thing at the
right time-when required to by the widow-even going against his conscience. He
is the pillar of the establishment-the proverbial twentieth first century
“company man” whose qualities of devotion and loyalty to the company
are ruthlessly exploited by the widow and the vampires.
2. The ostrich has a convivial personality and is also often
genuinely helpful-not just to the newcomer but to everyone else. The ostrich
doesn’t really discriminate - as long he is helping someone and feeling useful
- the ostrich is happy.
3. He may develop friendships with colleagues (even the
newcomer) outside the college. The friendships may not be profound because
there are many taboo topics such as talking negatively about the widow and
the vampires, money, oral sex or using expletives, but the friendships are
genuine and sincere as far as they go-even if limited by such taboos.
4. The ostrich gets on well with everybody in the college
but paradoxically doesn’t socialize much in the abattoir as he is too busy
working. He is a busy-bee as well as being an ostrich.
5. Although the ostrich will generally not dob you in to the
widow, when push comes to shove and a target comes under pressure from the
widow or the vampires the ostrich has a habit of disappearing from the abattoir
and finding a place to bury his head in the sand until the bloodletting is
over.
6. The ostrich believes he is indispensable and he thinks himself more
important to the organization than any target could ever be. The ostrich may
not be conscious of this weakness- as it is often a subconscious delusion-but
woe-be-tied anyone who tries to expose the delusion because the ostrich will
not take kindly to it: in fact the ostrich can be just as ruthless as any Aztec
Emperor! The Ostrich believes he must survive not just because he needs the job–but
because he believes the job (company) needs him!
The newcomer must be very wary of ostriches because should his
self-delusion ever be revealed to himself by anyone, the ostrich can just
as be vicious and dangerous to the newcomer as than any other animal in the
abattoir.
7. The newcomer should sense danger when he notices the
ostrich has gone walkabout. This may mean the newcomer has become an
active target. (Ostriches react in this way out of fear of being judged guilty
by association with the newcomer.).
8. They are usually comfortably off financially and don’t
really rely on the teaching job to fill their stomachs, although they
may delude themselves that they do.
9. Ostriches may befriend a victim only to turn round and
blame the victim for becoming a target. The Ostrich has the perfect
solution for this: to work harder and bury his head even deeper in the sand and
in his work. In this way he avoidsbeing a witness to any bloodletting
and feeling any guilt for going
walkabout when a colleague has become a target.. The Ostrich is often a very
popular figure with colleagues and is always in favor with the widow and the
vampires as he is psychologically incapable of insubordination.
10. When Ostriches are obliged to nail their colors to the
mast he will ultimately desert the target, whether the target deserves it or
not.
11. Although helpful and kind the ostriches are closed in
the sense that they are incurious about their colleagues and things outside of
their own little ‘world’ (which consists of their family and their job defined
very narrowly). The broader happenings of the world do not engage their
interest: they believe-probably quite correctly-that they need no-one else to
survive in their little world. Their propensity to overwork is the secret of
their power –and gives them a sense of control over most colleagues –including
their superiors. They use this power ruthlessly, if necessary, to secure
what they need to survive.
12. Ostriches are brilliant at what they do and pragmatic.
Their incapacity to be insubordinate unfortunately means they will prostitute
themselves for dubious causes. For the Ostrich, the end always
justifies the means. They do not do anything adventurous in life because
they are afraid to take major risks and do anything unconventional. They live
to perpetuate themselves and their genes.
And finally:
‘The Fools’ (My own Modus Operandi)
Whereas peacocks, peahens, snakes, chickens and ostriches have
usually only ever worked in English language teaching colleges both the ostrich
and the fool are usually refugees from the primary or secondary teaching
system. After years of abuse by
students, parents and invertebrate managers they have sought the sanctuary of
teaching foreigners because the latter are more polite and better behaved than
Australians.
The fool, like the ostrich, is dedicated to his work and if
handled with sensitivity by his managers can be a very productive, industrious
and creative employee. However, if he believes that he is not being treated
well he can be a pain in the ass.
He has generally limited financial resources because he has
led a nomadic lifestyle wandering from job to job hoping in vain to find
a job where he is treated as a professional by his students, colleagues,
managers parents and other stakeholders in the education racket.
I have encountered two types of fool, both of which have a
pretty short half-life: in fact the fool doesn’t have even a half of a life -
he doesn’t have much of a life at all.
There is the rare ‘permanent’ fool who has been in the college
for a year or two (but for obvious reasons if you think about it – never any
longer than that). The permanent fool is dedicated but cynical about the
bloodletting and power games of his colleagues in the abattoir. His life is
nomadic and he is weary.
Then there is the temporary fool. All newcomers are
temporary fools until such time as they turn into a permanent fool if they
haven’t turned into some other animal.
Both are idealists who take their jobs too seriously –
although the fool, to be fair to him, does not take it as seriously as the
ostrich. The fool takes himself too seriously-and much more seriously than the
other animals -even- the ostrich. However, no-one takes the fool
seriously.
The permanent fool is first and foremost a subversive–he generally
starts off believing in the system where he works but realizes after about six
months that the system and company are either corrupt or inept or both and that
the College is not run for the benefit of the students but for the widow, the
vampires, all the other animals in the Abattoir, the more wealthy students and
Rupert Murdoch-in approximately that order. At this point the fool decides
whether to adapt or die.
The fool is similar in some ways to the ostrich but whereas
the latter is more conventional the former is more radical and a danger to the
system. Above all he is a danger to himself.
The permanent fool is wary of the newcomer as experience
tells him that most newcomers end up as peacocks, peahens, snakes, chickens,
ostriches, vampires or widows.
He will therefore be generally polite, but guarded, at first
to the newcomer: However, after he makes a fairly quick judgment, and if he
thinks the newcomer is another potential fool he will be open and helpful to
the newcomer as indeed he is to most other colleagues. This openness will
lead to the downfall of the fool. If he shows his hand too soon, he leaves
himself exposed to everyone. The fool is pitiful really- as he has he never
learned to stop trusting people..
The permanent fool will eagerly expose himself to similar or
potential fools in the abattoir (and the occasional ostrich). His tendency to
overexpose is often misinterpreted as a sign of weakness by others and his
colleagues–even the ostriches despise him for this weakness
Because he is too open with everyone and gives himself away
for the subversive that he is, when he eventually lets himself or someone
else down, he becomes a target. The end is inevitable.
Because he has limited financial resources, the fool becomes
manically depressed. He will often desperately try to save himself by
manipulating the few friends he has or try to morally blackmail them. In
the end, he loses his job and his friends.
In contrast to the ostrich the fool is open but at the same
time secretive. He is never really popular in the abattoir with his colleagues.
His independence makes him unpopular with the vampires and the black
widow.
The fool is doomed from the moment the black widow with her
vampires move in for the kill
When the deed has been done and his blood has been spilt
everyone scatters in all directions– the ostriches head for the sand. The blood
from the execution is cleared up by the vampires.
Like the ostrich and all the other animals in the abattoir,
the fool never seems to learn from his mistakes. He keeps coming back for more.
Time and again he tries to appeal in vain to the
‘conscience’ of his colleagues –especially in matters which relate
to issues of equity: such as the bullying or sacking of a colleague. But
he doesn’t realize that most of his colleagues are P's and chickens and have
consciences which have atrophied –or don’t have them at all. He never learns
the lesson that if push comes to shove all of his colleagues –even the
ostriches- will save themselves at the expense of the fool.
In the unlikely circumstance that he encounters another fool
like himself for obvious reasons neither will stay very long in any particular abattoir.
The fool therefore leads a lonely, nomadic life searching
for his "Nirvana" - a good job-that is to say a job with other fools
like him running it.
I 'm still looking for one.
Epilogue:
After resigning or being fired the fool becomes more and
more depressed as none of his colleagues ever make contact with him again. It
is death by a hundred silences.
The fool spends the rest of his life in exile and much of it
in solitary confinement- like Napoleon but without the entourage.
In exile, the fool has enough time to write his memoirs
which he knows very few will ever read.
The fool dies slowly, despising all, despised by all and
despising himself.
He is ignored to death. Former colleagues, friends and relatives all
blame him for being the cause of his own demise. It is death by a hundred
silences silences–not stones. (Back to Shari a Law again!)
I think it would be more humane to bury him up to his
neck in a hole and stone him to death with a hundred stones
There are of course odds and sods who don’t really fit into
any of the categories above but most colleagues I have met fit into one or
other category pretty well..
Can you recognize yourself in the abattoir?
