Outsider


I grew up in Northern Ireland and have been a teacher and lived in England, Ghana, Ireland, Northern Ireland, Malawi, Mexico, Colombia, The United Arab Emirates, Australia, Brunei Darussalam and Malaysia.

These are my memoirs which are arranged chronologically by year. Much is social commentary.

Aside from narrative recount, the style is often anecdotal, aphoristic and ironical. I try to soften the heavy social commentary with humour. Some friends have said I tend to 'rant' at times. I don't deny it! Perhaps it is the Irish in me. I apologise in advance then, if that is your impression too.

I do not intend to stereotype various nationalities but inevitably I will generalise for dramatic effect.

In a globalised multicultural world there is an urgent need to identify and face up to our national idiosyncracies and shortcomings. Nationalism has always seemed to me to be a bogus substitute for a genuine sense of connectedness and community. It is a highly dangerous concept when manipulated by politicians to get citizens to do things that are unpalatable to them-like going to war for instance.

If we don't begin to see ourselves as others perceive us - and not as we would like to see ourselves, then catastrophe looms.

I contend we can be comfortable with our heritage and still be able to criticize and even laugh at ourselves at the same time.


The two are not mutually exclusive.

Outsiders are in a unique position to show us our shortcomings because we simply cannot see them ourselves.

I believe that no culture has found the ideal 'solutions' to the challenges of life. Every culture I have lived in has both positive and disturbing characteristics.

In which cultures do people appear happiest? (notwithstanding natural and man-made disasters such as war and famine)

What question can be more profound than that?

The results may be surprising. In my experience, the happiest cultures were Ghana, Malawi, Mexico and Colombia. At the bottom of the list would be England, Ireland and Australia.

I think we need to learn from each other-not try to 'teach' each other...there is a big difference.

Please send me an E-mail if you would like to comment on anything.


Outsider


Outsider1952@gmail.com









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Saturday, July 18, 2009

Women

It was 1979, and a cold and wet summers evening in Belfast. I was playing tennis with my colleague.

We were talking in general about friendship.

The colleague, who was married brought up a topic about which I confessed to him at the time I knew absolutely nothing. I had never had a girlfriend.

I had not brought up the topic but there he was talking to me about women.

I realise now in retrospect that he must have just had an argument with his wife.

For some reason, I can't think why, I remember exactly what he said to me.

I should explain that although I had the normal sexual instincts of a young male, I had until that point found Irish women to be unattractive, even cold and almost incapable of conversation.

Of course I believed that somehow this was my fault. I seemed to lack whatever it was they were looking for in a man.

My colleague said....

"Don, women are nest-builders. Don't forget it. They are interested in nobody else except their own nest!"

I was perplexed and I remember I did not really know how to respond. I think I grunted something to indicate vague agreement out of politeness.

I was twenty eight and had an almost desperate confidence in my future prospects for romance-even though something had always told me that I would never be really successful in my personal relationships with women.

By way of clarification he went on to explain that by 'nest' he meant children.

"The husband is not part of the nest." he went on. "as for outsiders they don't count at all.."

Out of fear of offending my colleague I said nothing, but I thought to myself..

"My God, what a strange thing to say. I'm sure there must be more to women than that"

"What about friendship?" I said

"Yes" he said "at first , but in the end it is the nest"

He went on "They'll do anything to anybody to protect the nest"

Now..I think I agree with my friend.

I have observed that in general women are indeed nest-builders and seem to have little interest in anything or anyone else around them apart from their own offspring.

There are exceptions of course.

Some women will espouse and even sacrifice themselves for noble causes-like Mother Theresa.

But I suppose I might do that too-if I got my board and keep

Other than that-well it just seems to be the nest.

It seems Darwin got this right.

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