2001-2008 Brunei 2

Tossing a coin

After about two months, in mid October I went to CfBT and told them  I was going home at Christmas.

I had not  even considered a transfer to another school because I had been told you had to be in a school for at least two years before a transfer could be arranged, and in any case I was pretty sure that many of the of the schools were just as bad as my current one at the water vilage. So I was very surprised, but not particularly thrilled to be offered a transfer to another school. I said I would think about it.

I had put a lot of work into the move to Brunei and a new school and so another move didn't immediately appeal. However, when I considered everything - especially Maria’s reaction, I decided I would give it a go and I accepted a transfer to  Menglait secondary school.

Cfbt told me to say nothing to anybody. I was therefore very surprised when three weeks,later at the Cfbt “dance” people came up to me and said

"Oh, I hear you are going to Menglait!"

I was furious. I had kept quiet but someone in CfBt had blabbed the news. It was really quite disconcerting when people came up to you and seemed to know more about my business than I did myself!

For weeks I maintained my silence as requested by Cfbt, but they did not confirm my transfer until the day before I went back to Australia at Christmas to collect the family. By then everybody seemed to know about my transfer except myself. It was very embarrassing at school in the water village.

It was fantastic to get back to Australia to see everybody. We had a very pleasant Christmas with some friends  their family. Their daughter was married to a Mexican!

Of course we had to rent the house and that was a real pain in the neck. In the end we ended up giving away so many things including our car "Bluey" who had served as so well for nine years in Australia.

Arrival of family in Brunei.

When we arrived at the airport the Deputy Head of Cfbt was there to meet the new cohort.  The first few days we took to settle in buying essentials etc.

Almost immediately Maria was offered a job at Al Falaah school. It was a private local school. This was important for her, personally,  us financially, but it meant that we were under pressure getting everybody settled in and getting the house organized so for the first month or two we were under a lot of pressure.


I was starting a new school too. Fortunately, my school turned out to be much better than the first one in the water village. The head was a disciplinarian and the students much better behaved.

Maria had a tough time adjusting to the Bruneian kids but, after a couple of months she seemed to be getting on top of it all.

I’ve reflected that in spite of my wide experience overseas one can not really ever be prepared for each new experience. Each culture is so totally different that not a lot is transferable from one experience to the next. This may go against the conventional wisdom, but it is my opinion, nevertheless. One is always hearing that someone with overseas experience will be better prepared for another one. Well, I'm not so sure about that. To me each culture is such a complete mystery that I only ever get to scratch the surface-even after a few years living in the place.


I have no time for the 'English travelogue' approach to travel. Although it may be interesting one learns virtually nothing of the cultures through which one passes as a tourist. I can can tell this by the crass and insensitive comments commentators  make about the locals they encounter - often basing their  sense of humor in that very personal English way of patronizing people. They really have no idea how angry these people would be if they could really understand and get someone to translate what they were saying. In fact, I sometimes find myself thinking that it is a good thing that people don't understand each other's languages because if people really knew what was being said about them there would be much more conflict!

STIP

" Staying in the present " is something I thought about a lot at this time. It actually comes from 'Transactional Analysis' a branch of psychotherapy. (T.A.). But only recently I have come to realize its significance. When I was about 28 I considered myself easy going and I think that's how others saw me.But I can’t be sure because as I have said before many times I don't really know how other people see me. It is a real problem for me.

Anyway, at some stage in my forties I became a real worrier.

First, in the nineties in Australia it was worrying about the past failures and disasters. I used to think about them all the time during the day and dream about them every night even having nightmares about them.

STIPS

but form about 2004  onwards I started to worry about the future of my children who were reaching University education stage.

And then there was myself.

What about my retirement or my old age? 

 These thoughts soon reduced me to a nervous wreck! So I learned to say to myself " STIPS " which means “Stay in the present stupid!” I gave myself this advice in the evenings and I thanked Maria for helping me.