Reflection on Brunei truth and fairness

I wonder if some Australians realize just how defensive they appear to be to others? At a party I was introduced to an Australian teacher and after a few seconds of pleasant tries I said to him “Where are you from in Australia

“None of your business mate".

Am I being hypersensitive when I say this is rude?

Do they think it's humorous? Am I supposed to laugh?

Menglait and Lumapas

I have reflected on why I went so much better at Menglait school than at Lumapas. There is no doubt that I was much more relaxed at Menglait.

The students were much more friendly-they all said hello to me. The atmosphere was more relaxed. I enjoyed my classes more, and they enjoyed their classes with me more.

Why? It's chicken and egg. Maybe they were more relaxed because I am. Or am I more relaxed because they are better behaved? Whose behavior is influencing whom?

All of the reading I have done in psychology says is that you can change other people's behavior with your own behaviour. For example, if you are relaxed and friendly, people will respond to that. I think this was true to a certain extent at Menglait.

Victor Frankel

I remember a very interesting book but I can't remember the name of it – by Victor Frankel. He quoted the story of a concentration camp survivor who said that he had come to the following conclusion in the camp in the middle of the brutality and the barbarity-with people being beaten and murdered around him:

" They can behave like animals as they like but they will never control my behavior. I will not hate them. I will not be influenced by them. I will continue as I am "

In this way he says he survived the camp without going insane. Others, he said became angry and eventually destroyed themselves-which is of course what the Nazis wanted to see. Many of the inmates themselves became like animals-worse than the Nazis-and this fulfilled the Nazis view of them-and justified their continued brutality-an evil and vicious circle.

An extraordinary man, this survivor was able to remain detached.

I have definitely failed to do this when I have been under pressure. My reaction to injustice has often provoked my oppressors further and in their eyes justified their injustice to me in the first place. My panic has often delighted my persecutors as it has stimulated their sadism.

To return to the defensiveness of Australians..

I remember coming back from the children's “hash” in Brunei one Sunday (a walk in the bush). Again, it was the Australian necessity to insult people before you are on familiar terms with them which I found to be most offensive.

Basically, it is childishness. The message is that they don't care what anyone thinks of them..

But really I think  they are simply not sure enough of themselves to make a contribution to the  community so they make a virtue out of a of a vice.

(Not all of them of course)

But many seem to do this. Everywhere in Brunei I noticed cliques of Australians who would not speak to anybody else.

What bores they were. They were like a gang of children giggling at smutty jokes. Macho and  insincere they had a false 'hail fellow well met' attitude, which extended only to their 'Dinky Di' compatriots.


Fairness and Tuth


The concept of fairness has been one which has dominated my daily life-perhaps to a fault.

There have been so many occasions in which I have subjected the decisions of my superiors to the scrutiny of the " fairness " filter.

How many times have I grown impatient with people who simply say to me

" That's the way it is "

I have always felt this to be the tritest and most fatuous of all phrases.

Of course, as I have got older I have come to realize just how subjective the concept of fairness is.

This is a pretty sobering thought. How many times in my career have I sacrificed the well-being of myself and my family on the alter of “justice and fairness” -as if somehow I had influenced the world by so doing. It is so difficult to have the real perspective on what I am.

I have often lost focus and perspective at critical moments and been overcome with an obsession with fairness and " Doing the right thing whatever the cost " to myself or my family.

I remember once in Kilmore when my very able Deputy brought this clearly into focus. I was complaining of the way I was being treated by my employers. She was sympathetic and very supportive but I wanted more than sympathy and support. I wanted these evil people to be overcome by the forces of good. I wanted the ‘Robin Hood’ experience. Nothing less would suffice. I was disgusted at how I was was being painted as Principal by some people on the Board of governors.

" But it's not true " I complained.

" The truth? " she said, with a query in her voice. She paused and said no more-as if to say "What has the truth got to do with it?"

I have never accepted this attitude of realism which to me  verges on cynicism. But it seems to be more common in women than men

I have always had this naive belief that the "Truth will win out ".

She hadn't, and of course she is right. I know that now.