Here is something for you to read if you have nothing better to do on a rainy afternoon. This is my description of a scene in Veracruz Mexico where I recently spent a month with the family of my wife, Vedo. Gloria is my Mother-in-law and Adrian is my Nephew, the son of Sofie-my sister-in -law. The little house in El Jobo is very small and in need of repair.

Al Estilo Mexicano 

Sofie, Vedo's sister is back from  the hospital after her knee operation. She is prostrate on the couch stubbornly refusing to do her exercises to the consternation of all..



Gloria's sister who is 84 and almost as frail as Gloria herself, has been taken to the emergency department this morning. (See Photo taken last week)



Gloria remains uncomplainingly prostrate and immobile on the her bed.



There are more nappies in the house than you could poke a stick at-and there aren't any babies



So...Vedo..who has been running the house-cooking, cleaning and washing will have to disappear to visit her.



The 7 of us will just have to fend for ourselves.



My idea is to escape as soon as possible-but it is a blazing inferno outside. A bookshop sounds good.


and the water has stopped flowing from the taps..


I'm off with Adrian!


Numero 8, a family friend of 60 years arrived last night wants to be the centre of attention!



Arriving at midnight from Mexico city she wanted to spend hours talking when everyone elsewas dead beat.


This morning she had breakfast where I normally sit..que poca madre!



Later....



I'm back from the town centre.  It was so hot after a few minutes I just collapsed into an air-conditioned restaurant, drank coffee and watched the football while I recovered.


In the interim Numero 8,  had 'taken over ' in El Jobo.


Now she won't allow the boys (and most importantly myself) to watch the football!


What fascinates me is how things are negotiated  without open conflict. In my culture there would be bad feeling and tantrums over such things. But bad feeling is avoided here at all costs. In my experience Mexicans share this ability to negotiate domestic conflicts with Colombians, Africans and Asians. Maybe this is why the Aztecs had ritual sacrifices-to express their repressed violence? That is what some conservative 'first world' anthropologists might say. Maybe they're right.


These things make me think I am so selfish...I wouldn't put up with any of this bullshit on my home turf.


Is this meanness I have-in my genes-or is it cultural?


 Or is it just me, the man?


All these people in the house are much more spontaneously  generous, thoughtful and considerate and care more about their family than most westerners seem to. This  is simply an observation: they are also more spontaneous and know how to enjoy themelves and life better than we do in the west.


In spite of the hardships-they are happier than we are..but westerners don't seem to see this.


Yes... we westerners are better organized and produce the necessities of life more efficiently than Mexicans do. That is another factual observation-even Mexicans will agree with it. But what do we do with our goods? We hoard them for ourselves instead of sharing them with our friends and family (much less with  strangers such as refugees)

50% of Australians will have suffered from a mental illness before they are 21. I don't know the comparable figure here but it will be much,much lower. So.. who is the  happier? Who is doing better?


It has always astonished me that so many Mexicans, Colombians and Africans continue to want to come and live in Australia. But I see now that  war and poverty are pretty good reasons for leaving your homeland.


We in the west have learned how to create political and economic stability but at what social cost-at what cost to well-being and happiness?  Is there not something wrong with a culture where many adults value their dogs more than their children?


I  don't make an appointment, arrangement  or wait for an invitation to come stay with my family in El jobo. I simply tell them when and for how long I am coming. This is something Centrelink (social security) will never provide.


Surely there must be  a better model to promote happiness  which includes the best of both the third world and first world social systems. I don't see any sign of one yet. The First world seems to be saying  say: its either/or; us/them - be like us or bugger off-we have nothing to learn from you!


There are 8 of us in the house now. As a result of the arrival of numero 8  I am not sitting near the fan, but in a pool of sweat as I write this. There is no air-conditioner in the living room. 17 years ago there were no air-conditioners at all in the little house-now there are 3-one in each little bedroom.


My nephew Adrian says it is much hotter than it was 30 years ago when Maria and I  were married here because of global warming.


What would Tony Abbott say about that? He would say it was 'crap'. He should come to El Jobo for a visit.


Because of the arrival of numero 8  I am not in my usual sparkling good humour.

The 8 of us are now all surviving the 'desmadre' (no equivalent in English-closest I can think of is 'chaos')

There are 5 I-pads are operating furiously as the football drones in the background

.. and vedo is still cooking in the kitchen

but wait....Numero 8 has other ideas for Adrian


 She has just got up and ordered him into the car to take her to the bank!


Banks are a big thing in Mexico. Adrian said a recent study has shown that Mexicans like queuing in them mostly because they are able to show off and also because they don't trust internet banking. Maybe.. but I also think it is because the banks won't employ enough tellers.

Adrian gets in the car and drives...

Maria is still  cooking furiously and just realized that she has forgotten her 'arrangement' with her friends at 6pm.


Another young cousin has appeared. He looks about sixteen but is actually 20. I remember him as an  exceptionally obstreperous young boy of 3 when last saw him 17 years ago. He is extraordinarily polite to me and a perfect gentleman. He calls me 'Uncle', makes conversation with me and brings me food.


How did this transformation happen?


Maria (Vedo) panics and texts her friends. They reply with  'Que reunion?'  (What appointment?)


Everybody dissolves in guffaws of laughter of self-derision


Al Estilo Mexicano!


Numero 8 is back from the bank and has realised she's bored and so has just invited herself to crash Vedo's appointment  with her friends. Adrian drives them away.  I would have told her to get knotted. I hope Vedo can get a word in edgeways.


Adrian's back after dropping Maria to her appointment. Numero 8 didn't like the look of Vedo's friends and came back.


Adrian missed his football. I know he takes it very seriously as he made me buy and wear a Veracruz football shirt to watch the match.


What's really important here?


The imminent passing of Gloria' sister? Sofie's constipation after the operations; my nephew Adrian getting to see his football? The transformation of my cousin from beast into gentleman? Numero 8's selfishness? My own selfishness?


How much of my antipathy to numero 8 is her selfishness or  just a projection of my own meanness?


I don't know.


Maybe none of the above


Later..


I had a surprisingly stimulating chat with Numero 8 last night before bed. Her daughter lives in Switzerland and it turns out she agrees with me about a lot of things: we both agreed that many westerners have stronger relationships with their dogs and cats than their children.

One of the things Vedo and I talked about before coming to Veracruz was getting a dog

Maybe numero 8 is not so bad after all.


It has been a privilege and a pleasure  to meet my family again after 17 years


They're just putting a tampon over the scar on Sofie's knee.

Adrian's friend Nesdor is a pharmacist and says he recommends this to his customers.


 Al Estilo Mexicano!