2012 Adelaide Adapting to Adelaide

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In the west we are 'overplanners'. We try to play God and predict and plan for everything. In Belfast, the young western educated Indian doctor said ' Take it a day at a time'. Better than zoloft and better advice than most counsellors I think

You never get used to change. It gets more difficult. Culture shock occurs every time you change culture -no matter how many times you have experienced it before. It occurs even if you are returning to a place you have been before and know very well-even your home culture-the place you grew up in!  It is not so much the newness of things which causes culture shock and culture stress-it is the absence of the routines of the culture from which you have just come. It is the change which is the shock.  I think you can get used to anything-even prison -it is the change which is difficult.

So, here I am again experiencing culture shock in Adelaide-even though I was here only four months ago at Christmas. I feel the same lack of confidence about the simplest thing - how to cross the road; how to ask someone directions; how to buy something in a shop or restaurant;-how to speak and greet people; which accent to use to help make myself understood.

What  do I have to do to blend in? In short - I feel the  same sense of alienation as an outsider  that  I felt twenty years ago when I first came to Australia-although admittedly the feeling is less intense now.  It will be of  shorter in duration too , of course-perhaps two or three weeks.But it is the same feeling I had over forty years ago when I first left Belfast and went to live in Dublin as a student.

There is still the feeling of guilt about intruding on the privacy  of the 'insiders' around me. They are all so busy. I must keep reminding myself not to intrude on their 'busyness'. That is a crime in their eyes. Time is gold to them. Their time is so  important to them that appointments must be made for everything -including speaking to them just casually. ' I mustn't waste your time' - I say to myself. 'Don't waste his time-he is in a hurry-he has something important to do'. They are all in such a hurry distracting themselves from their own struggles and their emptiness.

Their busyness seems so  hollow to me and much of it insincere. It is mostly self-delusion.

I have a list of things to do to survive culture shock.  Because I am not working I must try to make contact with people before I wither emotionally.

I googled 'Book clubs in Adelaide'. It is interesting . Predictably,there is the 'start one yourself'  idea which presupposes you are an insider already and have already got friends! Then, there is one in Norwood where it is 'Fiction' only. Why only Fiction? Why can't we discuss some great Biographies? Sounds like the pretentious  bookclub on ABC to me.  'Let's not talk about anything too personal -too dangerous'.  That is not what I want. Most of the bookclubs I have known have been women only. Why? Is it not a masculine thing to read books?

Also, I'm going to approach 'University of the Third age' to see if I can attend some classes and meet some people there-maybe I can give my own class on interculturalism or something?

When I was in Kuching there wasn't a single book club! Nor was there a tennis club (that wasn't absurdly expensive). I will google it here again-and try and join a club. It is two years since I played- when I was last in Adelaide, but even then it was almost impossible to organise on a regular basis-because people couldn't 'spare' the time. I felt I was intruding. I don't really know enough people to play tennis -catch 22 again. Tennis is another insider activity. But,  I need the exercise. Golf would be good but my shoulders are both gone now.

I can always try the Irish club again on a Friday night. Maybe this time the Republicans won't run me out of it!  Last time I was here I had to stop going  because I was unlucky enough to witness an unsavoury  incident in the club. I was asked to be a witness and I agreed. Some heavy phoned me and told me to back off. Friendly Irish!

Workwise, I will go to a job agency. If it doesn't work out maybe I will have to try to go overseas again But, if I do it will only be for on short contracts -a few months at a time -a year at most . I've had it with these long overseas contracts. Anyway, I'm sixty next month so very few people will be offering me any work at all. As for teaching -no thanks -thirty seven years is enough!

I dreamed last night of my boss in kuching -the bastard B--. I dreamed we met and he was quite pleasant to me. He wanted to know why people kept resigning from the project. I didn't tell him the truth-that it was because of his corruption and incompetence. I felt bad for not telling him the truth-that he was a dangerous asshole. Why couldn't I tell him the truth -even in a dream? B-- was like another boss I had when I first came to Australia-a bully and a crook who enjoyed kicking people around.

B would invite the Training Fellows with pretty young wives to sit with him at dinner. He would then ignore the Training Fellow and flirt outrageously with the wife . Because she was trapped she couldn't escape. B didn't care that the Training Fellow could see what he was doing. I think he did it deliberately in front of the husband.B's courtship technique after a few beers and a bottle of wine was to approach an unknown single female in the bar and grunt at her like a bull. He would expect her to respond by falling into his arms. I'm sure some of them did-otherwise why would he keep doing it? Bell is a nasty piece of work.  He liked to do this when he was with another unsuspecting person -like myself as a witness. He was showing off how he could pull the bird. He was a powerful man -with money and  a totally revolting persona. I certainly seem to be able to  pick my bosses. Ba was his sidekick and aan obseqious 'Himmler' type figure. Humourless, thick,sadistic-but totally obedient to Be and shrewd.  Less efficient than Himmler,  Ba-- was bewilderingly incompetent.

M is holding up well and I would really like to see her happy. She has given up on getting primary teaching or secondary  jobs in Adelaide. She says it is because of her accent. I agree with her. She is an outsider too. She is resigned to teaching montessori for the rest of her life. But she will never be promoted there either -again because of her accent. It is so unfair. All these young unqualified  things at work think they are wonderful and that M has nothing to offer. M deserves a medal -but she gets very little happiness here in Adelaide. She has put up with family problems and work-but never complains. I try to make her happy but usually can't. 

J is in much better form and seems to be enjoying her drama.

That makes me really happy.

Did I say the "H ' word?

Yes, I did.