Chatting and flying pigs in Adelaide

One of the advantages of being lonely in Adelaide is I almost always have time.

I can't fill my time.

Is this because I'm lazy?

No, I don't think so. Even though I work and volunteer with three agencies every week, I still have a lot of time on my hands.

No-one else seems to have time.

Whether it is at work, in the shops, or at the gas station or at the medical centre or even with the doctor herself, it is always a case of rushing and feeling under pressure to finish the encounter, to complete the 'transaction'.

I feel I am imposing on the time of everyone I meet.

Even with friends I feel I am always interrupting them. They are always either just finishing something or about to do something else, or both. They are somehow 'squeezing me in' to their busy schedule. It makes me feel uncomfortable. This was the same in Northern Ireland and England, but less so in the Republic of Ireland-especially the rural areas such as Donegal

It was also not the case in other cultures. In Africa, for example in Ghana and Malawi and to a lesser extent in parts of Asia where I have lived, the greatest honour that could be bestowed upon anyone was to receive an unannounced visit by a stranger or friend. When I did this the whole household would stop what it was doing for a while and and receive the visitor. This was not just a ritual welcome -it was a genuine feeling of being honoured by the visit. To a certain extent the same was true of Mexico and Colombia.

This is what I think we have lost in the 'west'. It seems to be a characteristic which accompanies the process of development.

Why? I don't know.

But the qestion of how is easier to answer.

It is a question of values and priorities I think.

I suppose partly it is because time is money in the west. Everyone, wants time to make more money and buy more material comforts. But it is surely more than this. In western culture (and Australia), it seems like people value other activities more than just communicating casually with a friend, acquaintance or a stranger. Chores of course have to be done but some people seem to value the work they do as more important than maintaining acquaintanceship or friendships.

But I think there is even more to it. I think many people in the west just value any activity -no matter how mindless or boring -in order to avoid the reflection on their own values which 'chatting' with an acquaintance or stranger necessarily involves.

TV is a good example, but I can think of others

I think of the Pubs with 'Pokie' machines that open at six in the morning in Adelaide to receive the lonely people who have no-one to chat to.

A lot of people's 'busyness' is another example of the same thing. It is unnecessary -it is busyness for it's own sake: designed to prevent people from experiencing and reflecting on their own loneliness.

They don't realise that the only way to overcome your own loneliness is not to deny it with mindless busyness, but to face up to it and deal with it.

By chatting.

It is so easy, but people don't see it.



The day when someone actually makes an announced visit, to my little room here in Campbelltown visit will be a very memorable day.

Come to think of it the day someone calls me on the phone will be memorable too.

There is a trickle of e-mails in response to my blog.Most of them a few lines.

But the day someone makes an unannounced visit to me the sky will be full of flying pigs all over Adelaide.

Unnecessary 'Busyness' can be just a form of denial and such people may not even know they are closed and unapproachable.

Unfortunately all of these busy souls make life very lonely for everyone else.

On the other hand, the African and Latin American, and to a lesser extent the more traditional Asian are naturally open.

If I were younger I would go back there.

I might try to anyway.

I feel like life is ebbing away from me here.